It’s all about confident
We started our last unit: ‘Proposal development’. It’s finally happened, after 7 months of working in teams we are finally starting our individual work. These days any headline on the news or a random discussion sounds like a proper topic for my final project. In our first task we have been asked to fill in an assessment exercise, which aimed to give us an opportunity to stop and think about where each of us standing at. When I start filling my assessment, I noticed that on some of the question I answered automatically. What am I good at -> organizing. What I’m enjoying of -> researching. Things that I know are such a main part in my personality, things that they are me. But after giving it another few moments, other things came out, I was surprised that I was able to identify new skills, so beside being ‘organized’, I noticed that I also has this ability to break every big and ambiguate mission into a practical small tasks, that gives my organize fan brain — a lot of peace.
I think, that as most of people do, I tend to list my difficulties while I can burly come up with one or two strengths, because it’s always easier to point out what’s wrong than what’s good. This list of difficulties that made me feel less confidence with my abilities in the past 7 months. And if that’s not enough, I had to start thinking about the topics I would like to consider for my major project — and that’s was really stressful! How to choose The topic? The topic that will accompany me in the next six months, that will became the only thing I would talk about with people. What if I won’t choose a topic I’m not that passionate about and I’ll realize it only when it will be too late?
I’ll explain why I’m so concern. In 2016, when I submitted my undergraduate major project, that dealt with bariatric surgeries, I was 100% confident that I did the right choices. I started my research exploring the topic of obesity, later narrowed it down to bariatric surgeries asking how can I help people leverage the surgery and stay healthy in the long run.
Through the whole process it felt right and good. I was enthusiastic and curious, I knew this is an important topic that a lot of people interested hearing about and can have a real impact in the world. Of course there was a lot of doubts and uncertainties during the process, but in one thing I was sure- I knew I had something good in my hands, and it gave me some confident.
It was also the project that introduced me to the world of service design. When I thought for the first time that maybe I finally found my place as a designer.
Going back to 2021.
If I need to compare Chen of 2016 to Chen of 2021, some have changed and some have not. The lack of confident is still have strong presence in my life. This insecurity makes me doubt about myself and my choices so much that it is really tiring. Another thought that I have will filling the exercise template was about how I see myself today, aiming for the public sector and governmental services, because I wish to make life easier for people. When I started my Undergraduate I was sure I’m going to be an industrial designer, after 4 years of studies I finished knowing I’m heading to a different route. So how can I be so sure what is the right path for me? Maybe at the end of the master something else is waiting for me? And what will bring me there?
And than, something interesting happened,
Few days after filling my assessment, it was my turn to go back and this time give comments to my classmates assessments. The first thing I saw when I open the miro board was my friends comments on my assessment, leaving me notes like how they think I’m getting better at presenting, encouraging me to keep practice. Surprisingly, that gave me confident.
I guess it because they worked with me, so maybe I should listen to them, maybe they saw something from different perspective that I missed.
When I started reading others assessments and commenting back, I was amazed to see how all of us dealing with confidence issues in that way or another. When one of my previous teammates wrote something about how she feels less confident in specific issue, I found myself commenting- “I don’t agree, I think you are doing it great, because…”. I worked with her and I had different experience from how she described it as a difficulty.
This lack of confidence can be exhausting, it brings me back to my concern about choosing the right topic.
Does making sure I’m choosing the right one is really matter? Maybe making wrong decisions are part of finding the right a path? I remembered what our tutor told us at the end of term 1: “It’s a process not a problem”.
So maybe instead of being afraid from making wrong decisions, I need to embrace them, because it shows I’m in a process, moving forward than stepping in place. So, I’ll remind myself something I believe in, in the past years, that apparently I forgotten in the past weeks; trust the process, trust my choices and beliefs, and go with my intuition.
And regarding the difficulties I mentioned earlier- I see it as an opportunity, to list all the things I wish to improve and work on and improve. these next months will be the prefect time to work on my presentation design skills, time management and story telling. Mostly because this time it will be a one person team- me!
